FF7 IS THE BEST, Right?
by Alma
Summary: Cloud, Squall, and Zidane discuss which is the best: FF7, 8, or 9...All in good fun, of course.
1. Default Chapter

~ I love FF7, FF8 and FF9, so don't think I hate any of the games. This is all in good fun and nothing is to be taken real seriously 'cause I love all FF games. ~  
  
((Screen fades on to reveal Cloud's face staring at the camera, admiring his reflection in the lens, combing his spikes with his hand.))  
  
Zidane: (annoyed) Would you stop that?  
  
Cloud: (nonchalant) Hmm... you're just jealous cause you don't have spikey hair. In fact, you remind me somewhat of Squall...  
  
Zidane: It's not my fault Square doesn't put any spikey-haired characters into their games anymore! And I wouldn't say I look like Squall... Shame that Garnet looks just like Rinoa, though. (shakes his head solemnly)  
  
((Squall walks into the room, Cloud looks away from the camera and we can now see that they are sitting around a little table in what looks like a lounge. Zidane impatiently twitches his tail and Squall sits down at the end of the table.))  
  
Squall: Yup, I'm here. What's the discussion for today?  
  
Cloud: How my game was the best game out of our three Final Fantasys.   
  
Squall: No way! 8 was way better than 7!  
  
Cloud: (coolly) That's a lie... 7 made better profits and everyone likes my characters better!  
  
Squall: (pissed) Whatever.  
  
Zidane: Well, I can start off by saying that I can admit I think 9 was the worst out of the three. I mean, what the hell was I fighting at the end? I mean, final battle with Kuja I can understand...but what the hell was that last thing at the end?  
  
Squall: Yeah, tell me about it. In 8, I was all ready to kick the crap outta Seifer, when some stupid dumbass sorceress named Ultimecia had to get involved. I would have had more fun beating up Seifer after he killed by Odin! Honestly, who the hell can kill a GF??  
  
Cloud: Wait a minute, I'm confused.   
  
((Zidane and Squall exchange 'no-surprise-there' glances))  
  
Cloud: He KILLED a guardian force?   
  
Squall: Yeah, I couldn't believe it either. It's impossible I tell you! Impossible! And if GFs could be killed, couldn't they also die of old age or something. I thought they were immortal until Seifer killed one of mine, that bastard.  
  
Zidane: Hey! Watch your language! I happened to LIKE Seifer when I played 8.  
  
Squall: That's cause you never had to fight with the damn guy!  
  
Cloud: Shut up, both of you! We all know the worse enemy is Sephiroth. Final battle with him was crazy. Heh, at least I got to have my final battle with my arch enemy, not like you guys... with your random final battles...  
  
Squall: With random sorceress...  
  
Zidane: And random time creature-thing-whatever the hell it was...  
  
Cloud: Yeah, which makes another point on why my game was a lot better. The entire time my hatred for Sephy grew and finally at the end I got to face him in a final battle. It made sense...  
  
Squall: ...whatever.   
  
Cloud: (snaps his fingers, remembering something) Another thing! Materia system was a trillion times easier than that whole 'junction' crap!  
  
Squall: Hey! Junctioning wasn't that bad! It was easy once you got the hang of it! It wasn't as bad as ff9's system...  
  
Zidane: (sighs) it's true... I mean, who the hell would think you'd have to equip an item just so you could learn magick from it! I mean if Eiko, Vivi, and Garnet were really mages in their field, why would they need to wear certain equipment and certain weapons to learn different spells!  
  
Cloud: Materia was the easiest and the funnest.   
  
Squall: Your materia system may have been fun or whatever, but I think my limit break system was the best.   
  
Cloud: Definitely not! Omnislash could kick the crap outta Lionheart any day of the week and twice on Sunday!  
  
Squall: You wanna bet?  
  
Cloud: (unsheathes Ultima Weapon) Let's try this right now!  
  
((Cloud lunges towards Squall in mock-attack and Squall sidesteps him, unsheathing the Lionheart.))  
  
Zidane: Limit Break? Oh, right... those are like our Trances... Trances suck. My trance was the only real good trance... I mean, I love my other characters and all, but...  
  
((Cloud and Squall are still fighting, paying no attention to Zidane. Cloud is trying to fill his limit gauge while Squall if trying to lower his health to perform his limit break))  
  
Squall: If only I had some auras with me!  
  
((Sephiroth walks in suddenly, not noticing the fight at all and sits down next to Zidane))  
  
Sephiroth: Are we badmouthing ff9 again? And can I join?  
  
Zidane: Well, it's not THAT bad of a game, but compared to 7 and 8, I don't think it's that good...  
  
Sephiroth: Agreed. (takes out Masamune and shines the blade with his black cape)  
  
((Cloud and Squall continue fighting, their blades clashing with eachother. Cloud begins to prepare a spell, swinging his Ultima Weapon onto his back))  
  
Cloud: Ultima!  
  
Squall: No fair! We're not supposed to use magick!  
  
Sephiroth: (sighs) Why does Cloud always have to be such a pain?  
  
((Sephiroth lazily picks up Cloud and throws him effortlessly. Cloud hits the wall and lands perfectly in a chair next to Sephy before he can finish casting Ultima.))  
  
Cloud: (to Sephy) Hey! What's your problem! I was gonna beat up Squall!  
  
Squall: No you weren't, you stupid self-absorbed emotional wreck.  
  
Cloud: At least, I'm not an angry depressed teenager whose every other line is "Whatever".  
  
Squall: Whatever...stupid kid.  
  
Cloud: I'm older than you are! I don't wanna hear it! And I'm NOT an emotional wreck!  
  
Zidane: Well, I was also an artificially constructed being whose only purpose was to serve as a body for an entity of higher abilities-  
  
Cloud: (cuts him off) Shut up! I wasn't constructed either!  
  
Sephiroth: (eating an apple) Yes you were.  
  
Cloud: We're not gonna get into this again! Look, the point of us being here was to talk about the cons and pros of each of our games and then decide how 7 was the best of the 3.  
  
Sephiroth: (shrugs) 7 WAS the best 'cause I was in it. Plain and simple.  
  
((Edea mysteriously walks in, followed by the bloated headless Jenova body))  
  
Edea: (nods, talking with Jenova) See, that's the problem I had with my children too. I felt the motherly bond with each of them, but I wasn't their real mother.  
  
Jenova: (talking to Edea) Well, I REALLY wasn't his mother though. That's the hardest part because he calls me "mother" and I would feel guilty telling him that I'm not his mother.  
  
Sephiroth: (drops apple he was eating) Mother?!  
  
Cloud: (alarmed) Jenova?!  
  
Squall: Matron?!!  
  
Edea: (shocked) Squall?  
  
Jenova: (as shocked as a headless thing can appear) Sephiroth? Cloud?  
  
((Kuja runs in, out of breath))  
  
Zidane: Kuja!!??  
  
((Kuja hurriedly leaves))  
  
Edea: (startled) Must be the wrong room.  
  
Squall: (sad) No, Matron! Don't leave me!  
  
Sephiroth: (confused) Mother...why are you here?  
  
Cloud: (angry) Jenova! I thought we killed you!  
  
Jenova: I can never die, silly, since the pieces of me are still alive! You are one of those pieces since you contain Jenova within you.  
  
Cloud: (sits down and thinks)  
  
Sephiroth: Well, while you are here, why not join in on our conversation. "Why FF7 is better than FF8 or FF9."  
  
Edea: Well, I can say that it didn't make any sense that I just happened to be the matron for ALL of the main characters, except Rinoa. I mean, how strange was it that all the main characters happened to end up in the same orphanage after the Sorceress War? And even stranger that they didn't remember it!  
  
Squall: (trying to explain) That was because of the GFs! The GFs took up memory space in our minds once we junctioned with them! Honest!  
  
Cloud: (skeptical) Aw, come on. How could you forget about the children you grew up with! You didn't even remember who Ellone was once you saw her again!  
  
Squall: It's the GFs I tell you! The GFs!!!!  
  
Zidane: So if these GFs are powerful enough to aid you in battle, yet weak enough to get easily killed by Seifer, and they take up childhood memories so that you have absolutely no idea that people you are with are really your childhood friends, until one of them mentions something, then you all mysteriously remember again... Well, if these GFs can do all this, don't you think they should have been explained a bit more...?  
  
Squall: (serious) No. It makes perfect sense.  
  
Cloud: I think what Zidane is trying to say is that these guardian forces aren't just summon creatures, they actually effected a lot of what happened in the game and Zidane thinks maybe they should've had some more explaining or storyline-time on their part.  
  
Zidane: Yup.   
  
Squall: (nervous) Well, it's just that...um, the GFs didn't need any...whatever...(gives up explaining and sits down)  
  
Sephiroth: (mostly talking to himself) Hmm... that's minus 1 for FF8...  
  
Jenova: FF9 had the problem of there being no motherly figure at all in the game. I mean, nobody had a mother except for Garnet, but her real mother was dead and hardly spoken of!  
  
Zidane: Well, I didn't have a mother since I was artificially created.   
  
Cloud: (quietly) I had a mother.  
  
((Strange pause))  
  
Jenova: (continues slowly) Well, the characters in ff7, I feel were more diverse and overall better than any characters in ff8, or ff9.  
  
Sephiroth: True. FF7 had 8 diverse main characters, 9 including me, the star of the game!  
  
Cloud: (sad) I thought I was the star of the game!  
  
Sephiroth: (long hesitation...) Anyways, 7 even had non-human characters to play with such as Cait Sith and RedXIII. Every main character had their own specific goals and dreams and lives. They weren't all from the same stupid orphanage or something retarded like that...  
  
Squall: Hey! Square got lazy when trying to think up a plot for each of our characters.   
  
Sephiroth: And what's with everyone being a SeeD? Quistis, you, Seifer, Selphie, Irvine, Zell... Rinoa wasn't a SeeD, but still... there was no diversity in your game.  
  
Squall: We had diversity...Selphie was from Trabia and Irvine was from Galbadia...  
  
Sephiroth: (cuts him off) Oh yeah! Selphie! Is it just me, or does she remind you of Yuffie?  
  
Cloud: Definitely Yuffie...  
  
Zidane: Hey, can we talk about FF9 too?  
  
Edea: (analyzing) I think you're already outta the final standing for which game is on top. It's either FF8 or FF7...FF9 lost by a lot I think.   
  
Zidane: oh drat...  
  
((Sephiroth and Squall are still arguing over the diversity of the main characters))  
  
Sephiroth: At least FF7 had a black guy in it!  
  
Zidane: We had a black mage in FF9...  
  
Sephiroth: Don't even get me started on that whole "jobs" crap in FF9! I mean, if they were really jobs, shouldn't you be able to change them like in Tactics or FF5?  
  
Zidane: (defensive) Well, they were like permanent jobs!  
  
((Cloud gets up, sighing, and turns towards the camera as Sephiroth, Squall, and Zidane continue arguing in the background. Cloud is ignoring it all.))  
  
Cloud: (to camera) As you can plainly see, Final Fantasy Seven was the best out of the three games discussed here tonight, with visits from our friends Edea and Jenova. So please kids, if you hear someone talking about how great FF8 or FF9 is, just kindly remind him or her that MY game, FF7, is the best! (big cheesy smile)  
  
((Sephiroth and Squall are seen fighting in the background, throwing things at eachother, while Edea and Jenova are quietly talking to eachother, oblivious to the fight going on around them. Zidane angrily sits near Sephiroth, twirling his daggers with the tips resting on the table.))  
  
Cloud: (still at camera) Join us tomorrow or whenever we next feeling like having a conversation together, when we discuss more Final Fantasy Fun...closely related to Seven...  
  
Jenova: (looks up, even though she has no head, to notice Sephiroth in a rage) Sephy! You put him down right now!  
  
((Cloud sidesteps out of the way, just as Squall gets thrown towards the camera by an angered Sephiroth. The camera hisses and goes black))  
  
~ I'll write more if I get enough good reviews! Next time, I'll add more characters from the games in. And we'll have much more to discuss next time about the three games too! ~  



	2. Second Dose

((Camera hisses and static clears. Squall is staring at the camera this time, adjusting the lens and trying to focus it, his tongue sticking out as he works.))  
  
Cloud: No, no! You're doing that wrong! Lemme try!  
  
((Cloud shoves Squall out of the way and fixes the camera within seconds.))  
  
Cloud: (to camera) Welcome back to another fun installment of "Proving FF7 is the Best".   
  
Squall: Aw come on. You're just saying that 'cause FF7 won last time. THIS time it could be different.   
  
Cloud: (sarcastic) Yeah, it sure could be! (evil snicker)  
  
((Zidane walks in, all late))  
  
Zidane: (out of breath from running) I'm...so...sorry I'm late... Funny story actually...you see...-  
  
Cloud: (cuts him off) Ok, now that we're all here once more...we are establishing some rules this time around...  
  
((Squall rolls his eyes))  
  
Squall: Whatever.  
  
Cloud: Rule #1: No talking of my past! None whatsoever! (glares around the room) ... Rule #2 No making fun of me for any reason! Rule #3No saying that you can beat me in a battle, because that's just not true... Rule #4-  
  
Squall: (cuts his off) Wait a minute! What the hell is this? Who says I can't make fun of you? And who says nobody can beat you in a battle?!   
  
Cloud: I say it! And I'm the oldest!  
  
Squall: (begins to say something)  
  
Cloud: (quickly cuts him off) Anybody who is older than 21 in this room? (looks around)  
  
Squall: (sits down) hmph...  
  
Cloud: (smiling) That's what I thought.  
  
Squall: Well, how old is Zidane?  
  
Zidane: Hmmm... I don't know...(realizing he doesn't know his age)  
  
Squall: (to Cloud) See! He COULD be older than 21!  
  
Cloud: I highly doubt that. Looking at the pattern in our FF games...Hmm... I'm 21, then your 17, that would make Zidane about 14.  
  
Squall: Ha! He sure looks 14!  
  
Zidane: I do not! Just because I'm short! Square designed all the FF9 characters short though!  
  
Cloud: We're not even going to go into detail about what's wrong with the Nine graphics.  
  
Zidane: (sarcastic) Oh, like your graphics are perfect!  
  
Cloud: (wisely) It's the quality of the storyline and diversity of the characters that makes a game good...not the graphics.  
  
Squall: Hmm...very true. Eight had pretty realistic graphics, but the storyline... (shakes head shamefully)  
  
Cloud: Well, in 9, Square was going for that old-school RPG look with the big heads and the little bodies... in my opinion, just ended up looking stupid. (laughs)  
  
((Door creaks open. Sephiroth gracefully and mysteriously enters))  
  
Sephiroth: (sits) Was I invited this time?   
  
Cloud: (angry) No... (slowly stops glaring at Sephiroth.) Buuuut, since you're already here, we're badmouthing FF9 and FF8 again.   
  
Sephiroth: Excellent. What are we discussing now? (takes a seat)  
  
Zidane: Graphics!  
  
Squall: Boo! No! Graphics mean nothing in a game, so we are NOT going to discuss them!  
  
Cloud: Hmm...so true.   
  
Sephiroth: (puts his feet up on the table, effortlessly contributes to conversation) Golden Saucer.  
  
Cloud: That's right! Everybody loves the golden saucer!! Who doesn't like snowboarding?  
  
Squall: (stubbornly) I hated chocobo racing!  
  
Cloud: Well, at least the chocobos in FF7 were different colors and fun to breed! Black, Blue, Green, Yellow, Gold, man we had the BEST chocobos!  
  
Zidane: We had the best mogs!  
  
Sephiroth: I'll hand it to FF9 for the mogs. Those damn things saved your game for you....(claps non-enthusiastically)....but Chocobos...FF7 gets the award for chocobos.  
  
Squall: We had chocobos in FF8 too!  
  
Cloud: Yeah, but they sucked so much! I didn't even bother catching one! I just walked everywhere. Rented a car once, ran outta gas! Such a pain...easier to just walk and deal with all the battles.   
  
Squall: Whatever...  
  
Zidane: Well, I agree that the chocobos in FF7 were the best. They were such pretty colors and they really demanded attention and a skilled player in order to get the Gold chocobo, which was needed to get KOTR.  
  
Cloud: (smiles) You mean this? (holds up little red materia- a mastered knights o' the round)  
  
Sephiroth: Stop showing off!  
  
((Cloud sulks))  
  
Squall: What's up with FF9 not having many summons? And I don't know if I like or hate this new thing where you summon the beast and it doesn't actually show up, only the attack occurs...  
  
Cloud: So true. You know, sometimes I LIKE to see the summon monster! I hardly know what any of the ones in 9 look like cause I've only seen them once! Hardly used summons since they are soo weak in 9 anyway. I personally love the Phoenix and I wish I could've seen it more than once! I mean, it takes away the fun.  
  
Squall: (thoughtfully) But on the other hand, the long summons like Eden and KOTR, those just got boring... so again, I don't know if I like or hate the fact that they cut the summon times in half by just not showing the beast in 9...  
  
Zidane: (hesitant) Um... well... we did have lots of eidolons.   
  
Cloud: Nah, not really. Compared to how many summons were in FF7 and FF8, well-  
  
((Door swings open. Chaos beast charges into the room. Everyone in the room stands up, alarmed, drawing their final ultimate weapons, except for Sephiroth who remains seated and calm.))  
  
Cloud: (confused) Vincent?!  
  
Squall: (angry) What the hell?!  
  
Zidane: (scared) I thought his transformations were only limit breaks!  
  
Cloud: Vincent!! (ducks as Chaos slashes out at him with one claw)  
  
Sephiroth: Hahahahaha! (sarcastically) Oh no! Run Cloud!  
  
Cloud: (to Sephiroth) Shut up! (bravely) I never run away!  
  
((Chaos beast grabs Cloud by the throat who counters with a kick to its face. Squall grabs Chaos from behind and throws it to the floor. Chaos flaps its massive wings and hits Cloud in the face))  
  
Sephiroth: (smiling sinisterly) So, Cloud, how's Zack doing?  
  
Cloud: (normal) Oh, I'm doing fine, thanks. (rubs bruised cheek from where Chaos hit him in the face)  
  
((Sephiroth laughs hysterically))  
  
Squall: Umm... (pointing at Chaos)  
  
((Chaos sinks to the floor, wings reverting into cloak and Vincent stands up in his human form))  
  
Vincent: Sorry. (darkly) Chaos gets harder to control every passing night. My sins burden my human soul and Chaos grows stronger inside of me, slowly becoming...me...   
  
Cloud: (not realized Vincent could've easily killed him) Phew, Vincent, that was a close one! (sheathes Ultima Weapon)   
  
Cloud: (to Sephiroth, gravely) We'll finish this argument later!  
  
Sephiroth: (rolls his eyes) Ok, puppet...  
  
Cloud: What?! I told you! We're not going to discuss my past!!  
  
Zidane: Can we get back to talking about games...?  
  
Cloud: Oh yeah, where were we? Golden saucer!  
  
Vincent: Snowboarding was the best...  
  
Cloud: Yeah, except when stupid Tifa wanted to snowboard! I wanted to, but she always had to!  
  
Sephiroth: Another point: FF7 women were better than FF8 or FF9's women.  
  
Squall: (startled) What's wrong with Rinoa, Selphie, Quistis and Edea?  
  
Cloud: Well, nobody likes Selphie. Quistis just wasn't interesting. Edea was lame because she was evil then she was good. And Rinoa was so annoying I wanted to punch her in the face!  
  
Squall: (shruggs) That's just your opinion. I happen to like Rinoa very much. At least Aeris wasn't in my game.   
  
Cloud: (suddenly very sad) W...What about Aeris?  
  
Zidane: Aeris was pretty, but kinda irritating. I mean, she just meets you and she's like bribing you for a date. "Be my bodyguard and I'll go on a date with you" or some crap like that.  
  
Cloud: Well, Aeris isn't the point! What about Tifa? Everyone likes Tifa!  
  
Vincent: (solemnly) I found her too optimistic, and her impossible boob size just made no sense in relation to her waist size. The only reason Square made her with that big a chest was to attract male players and keep them interested...  
  
Cloud: (matter-of-fact) Tifa was also a really great friend, regardless of her boob size.  
  
Zidane: (impatient) What about FF9's women? Beatrix, Garnet, Eiko...what's wrong with them?  
  
Vincent: (in grave explanation) Beatrix was alright... Eiko was annoying 'cause she was trying to get with you too badly. And Garnet...well, I just found it hard to believe that someone that young would be in charge of an entire kingdom- a fallen kingdom no less!  
  
Cloud: (shocked that Vincent spoke so much) .......  
  
Zidane: Well, Alexandria wasn't completely fallen! We're rebuilding it!  
  
Vincent: And what about the fact that her "mother" wanted to kill her and only wanted her so she could extract her eidolons. Her mother was gross and evil and yet after her "mother" died, Garnet was like "I still love her blahblahblah". I tell you, if my mom tried to kill me just for my powers, I'd definitely not love her back. The woman never loved Garnet and yet Garnet still loved her since it was 'the only mother she ever knew', since her real mom was killed... It just doesn't make sense!!  
  
((Everyone stares shocked that Vincent spoke so much in one sentence, Sephiroth drops the apple he was beginning to eat))  
  
Vincent: I'm sorry...I just really don't like FF9...Sorry.   
  
((Vincent quietly gets up and leaves, knocking into Cid, Cid and Cid as they enter))  
  
Cid Highwind: Let me tell you! I'm the real Cid!  
  
Headmaster Cid: People say I look like Robin Williams, is that true?  
  
Regent Cid: At least none of you had to be an oglop!  
  
((The Three Cids sit down, arguing with eachother. Cid Highwind is smoking and throws his butt at Headmaster Cid. Headmaster Cid gets an angry look on his face and Regent Cid is trying to keep Cid Highwind from killing Headmaster Cid...confusing stuff...))  
  
Squall: Headmaster Cid? What are you doing here?  
  
Cloud: Hey Cid! What's up?  
  
Zidane: Regent Cid? Aren't you supposed to be working on that new flying device?  
  
((All three Cids are busy fighting with eachother, hardly noticing the other characters))  
  
Cid Highwind: (shows off his lance) At least I know how to fight, you pansies!  
  
Headmaster Cid: Who are you calling a pansy, young man! I own an entire military Garden of highly trained SeeDs!  
  
Regent Cid: None of you are a great inventor like I am!  
  
Cid Highwind: Aw, come on! I'm the greatest pilot in the world! I flew into outer space!! NO ONE can top that!  
  
Headmaster Cid: I invented a class of highly trained specialists to fight the force of Sorceresses! My SeeDs saved the world!  
  
Regent Cid: Don't any of you find it odd that we are all named Cid? I mean, someone in every Final Fantasy game is named Cid! There must be some running joke at the office or something...  
  
Cid Highwind: (ignoring other Cids) Hey Cloud! Tell these other Cids that I'm the REAL Cid and that I'm the best cause I'm actually a playable character!  
  
Cloud: (sighs) Cid, playable characters are always better than stupid headmasters or regents! So don't worry about it. And that's another reason why Seven is better...  
  
Headmaster Cid: Just because I'm not playable?  
  
Cid Highwind: But I'm the kickass Cid! I'm not some pansy sitting at a desk like you or sitting as an oglop like you!  
  
Regent Cid: It was my wife who did this to me...  
  
Cid Highwind: AND you're a scumbag! Cheating on your wife...how could you?  
  
Squall: (to himself) We're getting no where with this...  
  
Sephiroth: Hmm, I'll start a fight to prove FF7's the best. Hate to rustle the FF8 feathers, but SOLDIER was better than SeeD.  
  
Squall: (cross his arms) How so?  
  
Sephiroth: Soldier was much harder to get into. SeeD was open to a bunch of teenagers...it was basically a college, while Soldier was more like a real army. Even Cloud didn't get into soldier.   
  
Cloud: Yes I did! (proudly) And I'm First Class!  
  
Sephiroth: (smiling) And Zack's still doing ok?  
  
Cloud: Yeah, I'm still fine. Why do you keep asking if I'm ok?  
  
Zidane: Cloud set up rules in the beginning that we wouldn't talk about his past.  
  
Sephiroth: But I'm the oldest now, so whatever Cloud says doesn't matter. (stands up, smiling) I'm also the tallest!  
  
Cloud: (sighs) We're not here to talk about me. We're here to evaluate the games on different scales and determine once more that FF7 is the best.  
  
Sephiroth: (leans back, relaxing) SeeD just feels like a cheap rip-off of Soldier. Like they saw how successful Seven was and now every game is trying to be like Seven.  
  
Squall: Once again, I feel like we've gotten nowhere with this conversation... Nothing was determined. We all just ended up fighting again!  
  
Cloud: No...(turns to camera) once more I think something was reassured... The fact that Final Fantasy Seven is the best once more!  
  
Squall: (angry) Can't you guys find any fault in FF7?!!  
  
Cloud: Yes actually... I can. (to Sephiroth) Remember when you controlled my Jenova and made me give you the black materia?  
  
Sephiroth: How could I forget?  
  
Cloud: Well...remember after that how Tifa and Barret were going to be executed?  
  
Sephiroth: ...And?  
  
Cloud: Well, when Tifa walks up after they escape from the Northern Crater right after I give you the Black Materia, she says "ding"...and I'd like to know what the hell she was talking about. Do you know what I'm talking about?  
  
Sephiroth: Hmmm... I think so. When Tifa wakes up while they're in Rufus's possession. Yes, that "ding" comment made no sense... (thinking about it)  
  
Squall: (really pissed) Music scores. What about those?  
  
Cloud: No no! I think that is for another discussion and another time. Clearly, once more, FF Seven is number one...again!! What a surprise.  
  
Squall: Whatever.   
  
Zidane: .....  
  
Sephiroth: (laughing still) Wait, wait, let me make sure. Cloud, you're sure Zack's doing ok?  
  
Cloud: Yeah, I'm fine! Don't worry about me!  
  
((Sephiroth breaks off into evil laughter, pounding the table with his fist, tears of laughter sliding down his cheeks))  
  
Sephiroth: You're a funny kid, Cloud.   
  
Cloud: (puzzled)... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... how?  
  
Sephiroth: Oh nevermind... (to camera) Another conclusion to another discussion: FF7 IS the best! Proven again.  
  
((The Three Cids are still fighting loudly with eachother, while Cloud sits thinking fiercely. Squall has his arms crossed and he's glaring at Cloud and Sephiroth while Zidane seems to have fallen asleep))  
  
Sephiroth: (to camera) So please, join me, cause I know I'm your favorite, next time when we once again prove that ff7 is superior to ff8 and 9. (to Cloud) Hey, how do I turn this camera off?!  
  
((Cloud jumps up and goes over to turn the camera off, knocking over the table while Cid Highwind and Headmaster Cid are arguing. Regent Cid ribbits something while trying to separate the two fighting Cids. Squall has drawn his Lionheart and looks like he's about to attack Cloud.))  
  
Cloud: (to Sephiroth) there's a button back here you-  
  
((Camera hisses and goes black))  
  
~~ I know, not as funny as the first one. Stay tuned for more arguments, more characters, more fights, more weaponry/musical score discussions, and more FF7 superiority-proving. ~~  



	3. Which Cid is the Real Cid?

((Camera hisses on to reveal Sephiroth staring into the lens, looking confused

**** This contains Final Fantasy Tactics Spoilers! I know Delita and Ramza and really out of character (ooc) but this is all just in good fun. I love FF7, 8, 9, and Tactics! Don't think I hate any particular game here. So this is all in good fun and nothing is to be taken offensively ^_~ ****

((Camera hisses on to reveal Sephiroth staring into the lens, looking confused. He is alone in the room.))

Sephiroth: (to himself) Is it on? …Ok, I think it's on… (to camera) Ahem, yes, welcome to another edition of FF7 greatness-proving. I know you all secretly love the game cause I'm in it. (chuckles) Yes, yes, I know, I'm brilliant…

((Cloud walks in and noticed the camera is already on))

Cloud: Sephiroth! You're not supposed to start until everyone got here! Or at least until I got here! 

Sephiroth: Who else is coming today?

Cloud: Jenova said she'd show up. 

Sephiroth: Yay! Mother! Who else?

Cloud: Squall and Zidane, obviously. Cid, Cid, and Cid decided to join us, maybe Irvine, and-

((Cloud is interrupted by the door bursting open. All three Cids accompanied by Squall and Zidane, who are desperately trying to calm them down, enter))

Cid Highwind: Shut up you #%@*$!

Regent Cid: Ribbit! I don't have to listen to you! 

Headmaster Cid: (irritated) Can we go a day without you starting an argument with us, Mr. Highwind?

Cid Highwind: No! I'm sick of everyone being named Cid when everyone knows I'm the best Cid and therefore the only one deserving of the name!

((Regent Cid and Headmaster Cid scowl in disagreement and continue arguing))

Squall: This is pointless…

Cloud: This is confusing…

Sephiroth: This is stupid. Where's my apple?

Squall: (sighs) What's on the list to talk about today?

Cloud: (pulls out list) Hmm….let's see…. Weapons…..Music….Summons we already did, right?

Zidane: Get to the point. You're just gonna side with FF7 anyway…

Cloud: (laughs) Well, that's because… (stares directly into camera, smiling) FF7 IS the best!!

Squall: Whatever.

Zidane: (rolls his eyes) Let's start with weapons. (unsheathes his daggers, twirling them around).

Cloud: Everyone likes my sword! It's twice the size of me! (proudly unsheathes Ultima Weapon)

Sephiroth: No, no, we're not supposed to just compare weapons… weapon systems is what we're supposed to be talking about, right Zack?

Cloud: (nods) Right.

Sephiroth: (laughing) Ok… let's start with FF8.

((Irvine practically falls through the door))

Irvine: Whoa! Hello. Am I in the right place? I wanna bad-mouth FF7!

Cloud: (glaring) You're in the wrong place, buddy. 

Headmaster Cid: Irvine! Welcome! Please tell these crazy men that I am the true Cid!

Irvine: (ignores Cid) I know you're kidding, Cloud. Lighten up, buddy! (Irvine smacks him on his shoulder)

Cloud: Don't touch me…

Sephiroth: (impatiently) Ok.. let's move onto weaponry system. 

Squall: I didn't like FF8's… Well, you had to collect all those different things in order to get new and better weapons and limit breaks for me. And sometimes you had to use one of your Triple Triad cards just to get an item you need for a weapon. 

Zidane: Don't even get me started on the card game! (angry) There's a card game in FF9 too!

Cloud: Card game?

Irvine: I had to use a whole bunch of my cards to get some pulse ammo so I could use my limit break. And I kept thinking, 'what's the point of this card game? I just keep losing cards to get items from them!'

Squall: I liked the card game actually. It was something fun to do to sort of escape from the main storyline. If the game itself ever gets boring, just play cards for a while and then when that gets boring go back to the gameplay. AND I finally showed that stupid Queen of Cards who is the master cardplayer- me! I won ALL her cards from her! Ha!

Irvine: …I don't understand one thing…How could each of us have our portrait on a card… and there's only one of each of our portrait cards. But why would we be on cards to begin with?

Cloud: Hmm… sounds like it doesn't make sense… Sounds like another reason that 7 is better than 8!

Sephiroth: I have no idea what you guys are talking about, so can we just move on?

Headmaster Cid: (to Sephiroth) Stop being so impatient! Let them talk about cards! Just cause cards aren't in your game doesn't mean we can't talk about them!

Cid Highwind: (to Headmaster Cid) Hey! Don't tell him what to do! You don't even know him!

Regent Cid: Will you both just shut up! I want to listen to this discussion!

((The three continue fighting, most of the arguments started by Cid Highwind))

Zidane: (hesitant) The weapon system of 9 was alright. You could make new weapons from combing old weapons/armor, which was pretty cool. But the only thing I didn't like was that magick/abilities could only be learned if the weapon/armor it belonged to was equipped on you. I mean, I want to just be able to equip weapons right when I get them and not have to wait for the one I currently have equipped to finish having me learn it's abilities/magick-

((Cid, Cid, and Cid are still fighting in the background, yelling at eachother when the hideous headless Jenova walks in, interrupting Zidane))

Jenova: Sephiroth, am I late?

Sephiroth: (smiling) Mother!

Jenova: (hands him an apple) You forgot your lunch again! Just thought I'd stop by to drop it off!

Sephiroth: (darkly) Thanks… (under his breath) now I can hit Cloud on the head with this, finally killing him…hehhehheh….

Jenova: Sephiroth! Don't you dare be plotting to hurt that Cloud-boy!

Cloud: I'm not a boy! I'm 21, remember?!

Sephiroth: Well, who's to say that your memory is correct. Maybe Zack is 21.

Cloud: That's right, I AM 21. At least Sephiroth recognizes the fact that I am 21!

Sephiroth: No, no… I'm serious. Maybe you just remember Zack being 21.

Cloud: You're right! I DID invite you to my party last year!

Sephiroth: (confused) Um… (looks around to see if anyone else thinks Cloud's words are strange… but nobody else is looking.)…. ok… (takes a bite out of apple, chewing slowly)

Irvine: Well, so what's so great about FF7's weapon system anyway?

Squall: Don't get started on materia in your weapon again… the materia discussion was closed last time!

Cloud: Ok! Ok! Relax! I was just gonna say that I like FF7's weapon system because it's easy to just buy or find a weapon than to make a weapon. And some weapons had materia doubling slots and linked slots!

Squall: I told you we're not gonna start talking about materia here!

Cloud: Well, anyway… The weapons in 7 are cool too. I've got my Buster Sword, Sephiroth's got his Masamune….

((Sephiroth nods, showing off his Masamune, sparkling under the light.))

Cloud: …Yuffie's got her shuriken, Vincent's got his gun, Tifa's got her fists, Cid's got his spear…

((Cid Highwind twirls his spear around and stabs the air a few times))

Cloud: … Aeris had her rod, Cait Sith has his megaphone, RedXIII has a headdress, Barret has his gun-arm, and not to mention all the Turks and their weapons- like Reno!

Squall: Whatever. Rinoa's weapon was cool. I have a gunblade, which is real unique. Quistis has her whip, Irvine has his gun…

((Irvine spins his gun around pretends to shoot down something in the sky))

Squall: …Zell has his fists-

Cloud: (interrupting Squall) Wait a second! Didn't Zell have a lot of the same limit breaks as Tifa did? He stole them from her!

Irvine: Um. They were different…

Sephiroth: I think Zell and Tifa studied the same basic martial arts with only a few changes in the way they performed the art. Am I right, Zack?

Cloud: Yeah, that seems to be reasonable…for now…

Zidane: My weapons are similar to those in FFTactics because certain classes use specific weapons. Like Garnet can only use staffs and rackets, Freya can only use a lance, and Vivi can only use rods, to name a few. 

Cloud: Final Fantasy Tactics…now that's a good game. 

Sephiroth: (munching on apple) indeed. 

Cloud: I wonder how Delita and Ramza are doing right now…

((Scene suddenly flickers to a room in the castle. Delita is looking out of his window, dagger in hand.))

Delita: Why! Why did I murder you, Ovelia!! You loved me…and I took advantage of you! The war is over, but I fear that I am not fit to be a king, having used so many people and killed so many just to get to this position in life… (he stabs himself in the chest and falls to the floor)

((Scene flickers to an old bar, deserted except for one cloaked customer and the bartender))

Ramza: (drinking) Forgotten…after the Lion War. I had to be forgotten! Me and Alma are 'dead' now and we can't just…go back to the land of the living! I hate living in secrecy now. Delita doesn't deserve to be king. I defeated St. Ajora, the Bloody Angel! I deserve to be king! I was once happy with this quiet life, everyone thinking I was dead, but now….now I'm just so miserable… (takes another gulp of his drink)

((Scene switches back to camera view of original room where Cid, Cid, Cid, Squall, Irvine, Jenova, Cloud, Sephiroth, and Zidane are. Cids are all still fighting…and the others seem to be conversing nicely))

Jenova: So did FF7 win the best weaponry system award too?

Sephiroth: Hmm… yes. 

Squall: Bah! I give up! All you guys do is think FF7 is the best!

Cloud: (blankly) Because it is the best.

Zidane: (carving little dead Cloud-bodies into the table with his daggers) Let's move onto music, shall we… 

Cloud: Now, music actually all depends on the player's specific taste and opinion…. (thinks) Actually… everything that we talk about depends on the player's specific taste and opinion! But music particularly is all about opinion. 

Squall: Opening FMV music in FF8 was spectacular. 

Sephiroth: (beginning to finish apple) Agreed. That was great music right there.

Irvine: Some music in FF8 really sucked and others I thought were really cool. Like the Succession of Witches, and the music at Edea's house. That was cool. But the Balamb garden music…. (shakes his head)

Squall: I didn't mind Balamb's music. It was the Ragnorak's music that got to me. But I really liked Ellone's theme…so sad and pretty. 

Zidane: FF9 had some good music too, like the opening theme! …But I thought FF8's music was a lot better. 

Cloud: Let's not forget FF7's music. Aeris's theme, that was a tearjerker… When she dies and you hear that music playing as the white materia falls…sniff… (wipes tears away)

Sephiroth: Of course, my theme music kicks ass. 

Cid Highwind: Everyone loved my music! My music rocked! And the Highwind music was so damn good!

((Suddenly, a plume of smoke erupts from the center of the room and the Sorceress Ultimecia stands on the table, her ebony wings spread out around her decorated form. All three Cids stop fighting for a moment to stare in shock))

Ultimecia: SeeDs! Kursed SeeDs! 

Squall: (surprised) Oh gods! I thought we killed you! (gets out Griever gunblade)

Irvine: (shocked) What the hell? 

Headmaster Cid: Good heavens!

Sephiroth: (not impressed) Who the hell are you?

Ultimecia: I am the worst enemy in Final Fantasy Eight! I am the beautiful time-konsuming Sorceress Ultimecia- the most powerful, most feared sorceress in this era! And who do you think you are?

Sephiroth: (insulted) Who do you think I am? I'm Sephiroth! Everyone knows who I am! What makes you so powerful?

Ultimecia: I'm a Sorceress, you krazy fool! I kan krush you in an instant!

Jenova: Hey! Nobody talks to my son that way! I have more power than you can ever imagine, sister!

Cloud: (looks around in horror) Oh no… this is ruining everything!

Cid Highwind: (waving spear) Yeah! Get out of here, Ultimecia! We've got to finish our discussions! Get lost, you pathetic quickly-put-together villain that nobody cares about!

Ultimecia: (enraged) How dare you! All of you will pay! The time for kompression will soon begin again… and this time ALL of you will suffer!!

((Ultimecia disappears in a haze of black, red and purple smoke.))

Sephiroth: She thinks she's so tough… (finishes eating apple completely and throws core right at Cloud)

Cloud: OW!! Sephiroth! (throws core back at him)

Jenova: Sephiroth! Cloud! I'm ashamed at both of you acting like such babies- throwing things…

Zidane: (confused) Ok…what just happened with that Sorceress and that smoke and stuff…

Cloud: (reassuring) Don't worry Zidane… I didn't understand her either. Apparently, she's from FF8…. Lousy Sorceress…(shakes fist into air) Damn you Ultimecia!! Damn you!!

Squall: I'll get her when she comes back….(glares at camera)

Cloud: Well, what do you think wins for music?

Squall: FF8 for the opening FMV. 

Cloud: Nah, FF7 has much better music. Who can forget the ShinRa song!

Sephiroth: ShinRa had it's own song?

Cloud: Yeah! They played it at Junon when President Rufus showed up!

Sephiroth: (silent) ….

Jenova: FF7 for the music definitely. I loved Vincent's theme!

Cloud: Then it's agreed that once more FF7 is the best! Wow! I can't believe that three times in a row we've proven this!

Squall: Stop being sarcastic, Strife. 

Cloud: Hey, Leonheart, why don't you just shut up!

Zidane: Arg!! I'm leaving! This group will NEVER prove anything else except how great 7 is compared to 8 and 9!

((Zidane stamps out of the room, furious))

Cid Highwind: I'm sick of hearing you imposters talk about how you're the real Cid!! Clearly, I am the real Cid!!

Headmaster Cid: I'm tired of you arguing with everyone! You wanna take this outside!?

Regent Cid: I'm never coming back to one of these STUPID discussions!! Ribbit!

((Cid, Cid and Cid follow Zidane. Highwind and the Headmaster preparing to fight))

Cloud: (notices sudden silence once the Cids left) Well, it's just Sephiroth, Squall, Jenova, Irvine, and me now…

Irvine: Yeah, well enjoy it being only Sephiroth, Jenova, Squall and you. This discussion was unfair since you guys only sided with 7!

((Irvine leaves, much in the manner that Zidane left))

Sephiroth: I don't think he can deal with FF7 being better than FF8…

Cloud: (turns to camera) Well, yet again, folks, we've started some fights, raised some questions, and put an end to all those misbeliefs that 7 might not be the best. We've found out for the third time in a row that 7 is indeed the best and will remain so…

((Jenova hands Sephiroth another apple to eat and he throws it at Cloud, hitting him right in the back of the head. Jenova scolds Sephiroth, while Cloud fiercely throws the apple right back at Sephiroth, hitting Squall by mistake. Squall glares and rolls up his sleeves, advancing towards Cloud. Sephiroth trips Squall, who falls flat on his face and starts yelling at Sephiroth. Cloud is standing between the two, trying to prevent a fight.))

((Jenova's strange and disgusting headless body gets close to the camera as she reaches over to turn it off.))

Jenova: You guys left the camera still running! 

((The screen hisses and goes black))

**** I hope you guys enjoyed it!! Sorry for the long delay in posting this chapter up. If I think up more ideas, there will be another chapter!! ****


	4. Screaming Fangirl

----Hey!, it's me, the author!! I wanna say 'thanks!' to wild_dragon15@hotmail.com and to everyone who reviewed for forcing me to continue writing this "story".. This chapter isn't that great, but just read it anyway and let me know what you think!! If you all hate it, I'll write a new chapter. ^_~ ------  
  
((The camera hisses and turns on. A giant blue eye is staring in the camera. It zooms out to reveal Cloud))  
  
Cloud: (talking to himself) Hm, ok, I guess it works now. (Yelling to someone behind him) See?! I TOLD you I could fix it!!  
  
Tifa: Alright , alright....  
  
(Tifa rolls her eyes and leaves as Squall enters)  
  
Squall: Yo, I bought us all some donuts and coffee. You like yours black, right? Well, I brought some extra packets of sugar just in case! (He holds up a handful of sugar packets, smiling)  
  
Cloud: Oh, I fixed the camera. (points to camera)  
  
Squall: (shocked) It's on now!?  
  
Cloud: (indifferent) Yah.  
  
Squall: (immediately combs his fingers through his hair, then begins to frown staring at the camera, conforming his face to the eternally-angry- teenager look) Whatever.... (glares at Cloud)  
  
Cloud: You don't have to act like this just for the camera, you know.... Why do you try to impress Sephiroth by acting like you hate me when we film? I thought we were friends!! (teary-eyed)  
  
Squall: Um, no, that's not it... (Sephiroth walks in) .... (whispers to Cloud) Let's talk about this later!!  
  
Sephiroth: Gentlemen - I've found us a new friend to talk with!  
  
(Tidus walks in, smiling to Squall and Cloud, carrying the Brotherhood. A second man dressed in blue walks in with Tidus.)  
  
Man Dressed In Blue: Hey guys! I'm Tidus!  
  
(Sephiroth, Squall and Cloud all stare in disbelief and horror as they hear him talk)  
  
Cloud: (to Tidus) You've...You've... You've got a VOICE ACTOR!!  
  
Tidus: (nods)  
  
Man Dressed In Blue: That's right! Now I can just stand around and have someone else do my talking for me!  
  
Cloud: But you still have to do some text talking too, right?  
  
Tidus: "..y..e...s.."  
  
Man Dressed In Blue: Sorry, I'm not used to text talking. My voice actor usually just takes care of everything. (smiles at Tidus)  
  
Sephiroth: That is just downright scary...  
  
Squall: Whatever... (eating a donut)  
  
Cloud: Well, since our special guest Tidus is horrifying all of us, we will get a NEW special guest shortly...Hold on.. (runs into hallway)  
  
Sephiroth: (to Squall) I don't think any of us expected him to do that.  
  
Squall: Well, what are the topics for today...and wait, where's Zidane?!  
  
Man Dressed In Blue: He told me he quit because he was sick of FF7 always winning. He's across the hall in the arcade, actually, playing Dance Dance Revolution.  
  
Cloud: (rushes in, very excited) Hey guys! There's a Dance Dance Revolution Tournament going on across the hall!! Can I go, please?!! (hopping up and down)  
  
Sephiroth: Um, aren't we supposed to be discussing different aspects of the Final Fantasy Games?  
  
Man Dressed In Blue: Yeah, Cloud, don't leave when we just started! I just got here!! And I'm the important one!!  
  
Tidus: (stands tall and smiles)  
  
Cloud: Hey, there can only be one hot blonde guy in here! (glares at Tidus)  
  
Man Dressed In Blue: Well, you're certainly not one of them!  
  
Cloud: Yes I am!! All my fangirls love me!!  
  
Man Dressed In Blue: In your dreams, spikey!  
  
Tidus: (Flashes another smile)  
  
Cloud: Hey, YOU'RE the one who's just a dream!  
  
Man Dressed In Blue: Screw you, at least I wasn't a clone of someone else!  
  
Cloud: Yeah, but you were just a dream created to serve as a memory of a once great time, which in fact IS a 'clone'! And I wasn't a clone!!!  
  
Tidus: (glares)  
  
Man Dressed In Blue: That's it, I'm leaving! I don't wanna be part of your dumb conversation anyway!  
  
Tidus: (leaves, followed by his voice actor)  
  
Squall: That was unpleasant.  
  
Sephiroth: Most unpleasant. Where were we...?  
  
Cloud: (seems to have forgotten his previous anger) Ok, I'll be right back! I have to play the new Dance Dance Revolution Xtreme! (rushes out of room!)  
  
(Sephiroth and Squall are left alone, eating donuts. A long period of silence follows.....)  
  
Sephiroth: Hm... You know what... I think I like the pink frosted donuts the best.  
  
Squall: Mmm.. yeah.  
  
Sephiroth: ....So, is the camera still on?  
  
Squall: Yeah... (takes a sip of his coffee) Well, what should the topics be today.  
  
Sephiroth: Do you really think Cloud is a hot blonde guy? He told Tidus there was only room for one hot blonde guy....  
  
Squall: Well, it depends if you think Tidus is a hot blonde guy...  
  
(They both realize how strange their conversation is sounding)  
  
Sephiroth: I think we need to ask a girl... Um, stay here (leaves really quickly, as he opens the door the techno beats of DDR can be heard from across the hall.)  
  
Squall: ............  
  
(Sephiroth returns a second later with Claire Redfield from Resident Evil)  
  
Claire: Um, I really shouldn't be in a Squaresoft room... Capcom would KILL me!  
  
Sephiroth: We just need to ask you if you think Tidus and Cloud are hot blonde guys.  
  
Claire: (thinking) Well, that spiky hair IS pretty hot... but Tidus's soft fluffy blonde hair is also hot....  
  
Squall: (rolls his eyes, sarcastically) Can't make up your mind... or are they BOTH 'hot'?  
  
Claire: Umm.......(thinking more)  
  
Sephiroth: Hey, Claire, I have a question. How come the Spencer Mansion is so freakin' clean in RE1 even though it's abandoned? I mean, you'd think there'd be dust or something, but most of it is really clean...(nodding thoughtfully)  
  
Claire: Um, I don't know. I never saw the Spencer Mansion. You should ask Jill that!  
  
Sephiroth: And doesn't shooting zombies and Hunters and what-not get boringly repetitive after a while?  
  
Claire: Well....  
  
Squall: Ok, you two, stop it! We're supposed to talk about Final Fantasy! Not Resident Evil!!  
  
Sephiroth: Riiight. (sips coffee)  
  
(The door slams open and Cloud suddenly runs in, out of breath, with a huge grin on his face)  
  
Cloud: (panting) I ...just... beat Zidane at DDR! He thought he had the crowd until I went up there and wowed everyone by doing Scotty D's "Drop the Bomb" on the "Maniac" Setting!! It was soooo hard, but I did it!! (grins proudly)  
  
Sephiroth: (clapping nonenthusiastically)...yay...  
  
Claire: Um, I'll just be leaving then...Can't let Chris catch me hanging out with Squaresoft characters... (quickly leaves)  
  
Cloud: (still smiling) AND look who I ran into! (pulls Yuna in from the hallway)  
  
Sephiroth: Cloud, we can't have people from other games coming in here. We need to continue our discussion about Final Fantasy seven and eight, since Zidane left.  
  
Yuna: I could replace Zidane and talk about Final Fantasy X with you guys.  
  
Squall: Wait, where's your voice actor?  
  
Yuna: Actress. I don't like her, so I usually don't hang around her unless we have to do a sequel or something. Tidus likes having his voice actor around because it makes him feel important. All that fame's gone to his head.  
  
Cloud: Oh yeah, the sequel! I want a sequel to FF7!  
  
Sephiroth: The sequel is: I come back to life, kick your ass, resurrect Jenova, and rule the universe. (pauses) ... (sarcastically) Oh wait! That's already happened! Ha ha ha!  
  
Cloud: You don't rule the universe!  
  
Sephiroth: Tell that to my fans.  
  
(Fangirl runs into room, screaming and jumping up and down)  
  
Fangirl: You rule MY universe Sephy!!! (screeches)  
  
Sephiroth: (covers his ears) Ahh! Don't call me Sephy!  
  
(Fangirl runs away, looking for another bishy to drool over)  
  
Cloud: Alright, now that I'm back from beating Zidane at DDR, let's talk FF.  
  
Yuna: Alright! Hey, are you guys excited about my sequel?  
  
Squall: Yes, except I'm not excited about the sudden loss of clothing there seems to be among the girls.  
  
Sephiroth: (grins) Hey, I'm not complaining about that!  
  
Squall: I just think a girl is classier when she covers up a bit.  
  
Sephiroth: Explain.  
  
Squall: Well, it's nice to see some skin, but too much skin (like Rikku's new outfit) makes me think she's just a slut, since every guy gets to see what I see. I mean, if she's showing her body to just anybody, then I don't think I'd like to imagine her as my girlfriend or anything. It's fun getting to know a girl and getting her to take her clothes off, but if the girl's clothes are already off...well, what's the fun in that!? There's no work for me to do! It's too easy and therefore I conclude that SHE'S easy! (sits back and crosses his arms, frowning) Not Rikku specifically....just in general...  
  
Yuna: (realizes she's half-naked) Oh....well....I guess Squaresoft just wanted to attract more of the male audience....  
  
Cloud: You got MY attention!  
  
Squall: (to Cloud) Shut up! Don't you have a girlfriend!  
  
Cloud: (quietly) Yes...and I love her very much. (cheesy grin)  
  
Sephiroth: Ok, back to Final Fantasy talk... Why is it taking so long for us to get settled and start the discussion?  
  
Squall: I blame Cloud.  
  
Cloud: Ok! Everyone shutup! I have another topic. (stares at camera and starts yelling) SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!!!!! SPOILER ALERT!!  
  
Sephiroth: Shut up! What's your idea?  
  
Cloud: Endings.  
  
Squall: Ah, that's easy. FF8 wins! C'mon, don't tell me you didn't feel just a bit sad for me wandering alone all by myself without Rinoa. (smiles) AND the ending was real long! A great FMV!  
  
Yuna: I had the saddest ending! Tidus DIED!!...or he at least dissipated into the air and will perhaps be found again in ff x-2!  
  
Squall: I DIED too!!.....or did I? (stares, smiling)  
  
Cloud: No, you didn't die... I saw you on the balcony in the end with Rinoa...  
  
Squall: Or was that merely in Rinoa's mind? Did you notice that Selphie's camera ran out of batteries just as it reached Rinoa standing alone on the balcony? Rinoa merely imagined me being there with her because she was heartbroken over my death. It was bittersweet. In death, I could be with her, but only in her mind.  
  
Cloud: (getting teary eyed) But...But....Rinoa found you and saved you! Remember all the flowers and the field?!  
  
Squall: But did she save me or just find me? Her emotional state at finding me dead caused her sorceress powers to burst forth and conjure that field and flowers.  
  
Cloud: But...No! She smiled at you!  
  
Squall: Or was she crying?  
  
Cloud: Stop confusing me!! Did you die or not?  
  
Squall: (drinking some coffee) ....(shrugs) That's for you to decide.  
  
Cloud: ....That's actually really sad...  
  
Squall: Yeah, definitely. But Tidus dies in FFX...  
  
Yuna: But it was happy because even though he leaves me, I know I can go on without him and help Spira...  
  
Sephiroth: What about FF7? I mean, Meteor plunging into Midgar and the Lifestream struggling to contend with it... Wasn't that heart-wrenching? (laughs)  
  
Cloud: Especially when Aeris's spirit flashed by the screen in the end. The beginning scene of the game is Aeris's face and the end scene of the game is Aeris's face....It's almost like completing a circle...  
  
Sephiroth: Of course, we know Midgar is destroyed, but that life lives on when we see RedXIII 500 years later with his cubs. But what exactly happens to good ole 'cloud & co'...did they die? (laughs) Again, Square left an ending open to interpretation.  
  
Squall: Where did those cubs come from? Were there any girl RedXIIIs?  
  
Cloud: (shrugs) I don't know... But, I mean we all have good endings. Mine was more solid...  
  
Squall: (nods) ...And mine was more metaphorical. The empty barren land after time compression was merely a lost part of my mind that my soul was trapped within. I couldn't escape my own past - it was the only time in my life where I was actually happy.... I didn't want to go back to the present with the rest of them....(sulks) So I became lost without Rinoa....(trails off sadly)  
  
Cloud: And then you died!! (wipes a tear)  
  
Squall: Or did I? It's open to different interpretations!  
  
Yuna: FFX had the shortest ending (and the easiest final boss, let me add), but the ending has a deeper meaning than it initially portrays....  
  
Cloud: Yeah...hmm...this is a hard decision...but, oh what the hell - .... FF7 wins!  
  
Sephiroth: It was thanks to ME that FF7 had a good storyline because without ME Meteor would have never been summoned!  
  
Cloud: Yeah, well, without ME, you would've never gotten the Black Materia!  
  
Squall: Wait, no! FF8 wins!!  
  
Sephiroth: It's a tie between all three... Next topic!  
  
Squall: So, Cloud, I've been meaning to ask you, who do you like more: Aeris or Tifa?  
  
Cloud: (shifty eyes) Um, that's a very tough question. I don't know if I can answer that...  
  
Sephiroth: Aeris was trying to get with you too soon in the game. I mean, the girl hardly knows you and she's already trying to bribe you with a date asking you to be "her body guard".  
  
Cloud: Um, haven't we already talked about this??  
  
Squall: Well, we're talking about it again!  
  
Cloud: Ok...(thinks carefully) I'll put it this way: Aeris is dead and Tifa is a lifelong friend. I can never have Aeris no matter what and Tifa has healed the wounds dug by Aeris's death (glares at Sephiroth)  
  
Sephiroth: (shouts) She deserved it!! That dumb Cetra was prayin' for Holy! I couldn't let her do that!!  
  
Cloud: Well, you didn't have to almost make ME kill her!!  
  
Sephiroth: (throws his hands up and shakes his head) It was Jenova! I swear! ALLLLL Jenova's fault! (winks)  
  
Cloud: Grrr...  
  
Squall: Ok, so Aeris is dead, so you like Tifa, is that what you're saying?  
  
Cloud: (arms crossed) I'm not saying anything... (glares more at Sephiroth)  
  
Sephiroth: (whispers to Squall) He'll forget about it in a moment and start talking again. He does this all the time.  
  
Squall: Next topic.  
  
Yuna: Well, while I'm here, let's talk about battle systems and the sphere grid and all the new wonderful features of my game!  
  
Cloud: (springs to life) NO!! No....We....um, we can't have any other video games being discussed except for FF7 and FF8 ......and possibly 9... but NOT 10! You actually should be leaving now! (begins to drag Yuna towards the door)  
  
Yuna: (protesting) B..But I want to talk about 10!  
  
Cloud: (shoving Yuna out the door) Nope! Sorry! Not allowed! Only for 7 and 8 and 9! No 10! No PS2 games allowed!! (slams the door in her face)  
  
Sephiroth: Was that necessary?  
  
Cloud: Yes! If we started talking about FF10's battle system, it would've beaten FF7!! I mean, it's got the greatest battle system!  
  
Squall: So you won't let anything beat FF7? And you rid yourself of any possible threats to FF7's winning streak by throwing them out of the room?....That's low....  
  
Cloud: (nervous) Well, I just thought this room was only for Final Fantasy Seven and Eight and possibly Nine discussions.... The FF10 room is down the hall. Those voice actors freak me out. (shudders)  
  
Sepihroth: You liar... (sighs, looking at his watch) We got practically nothing discussed and already our time is up.  
  
Squall: Yeah, I'm surprised that for once we didn't prove FF7 is the best...(rolls his eyes)  
  
Cloud: Well, we haven't talked in a while, so ... we just have to get back into the swing of things!  
  
Squall: We need more special guests.  
  
Sephiroth: Yeah, next time, though. (looking at his watch) I gotta go out to dinner with Mother. I'm meeting her in ten minutes.  
  
Cloud: Oh, tell Jenova I said 'hi' when you see her!  
  
Sephiroth: .......  
  
Squall: Alright, I guess we'll defiantly talk more next time, whenever next time is.  
  
Cloud: (walks over to camera) Ok, FF7 did not win this time...but neither did FF8, 9 or 10 and that's what counts! Hahaha!! Get it? COUNTS!!! 7,8,9,10?!! AHAHAHA!!!  
  
Squall: Do you always have to say something stupid?.....  
  
((The camera switches off...))  
  
------- Alright, this chapter sucked, I know, but I haven't written this in a while, so I forgot where I left off...Anywho, I WILL be writing more some day (perhaps soon). It just depends how I'm feeling. But in the meantime...go read my other stories!! I like to torture Cloud a lot in my stories!! *shamelessly promotes other stories*------ 


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